Shatter
by cupcakesintheimpala
Summary: AU. One-shot. Set after Always Two There Are. All it takes is one sentence to break the fragile repairs Kanan's managed to make in the past few months. Hera helps him pick up the pieces.


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: Rebels.

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 _Ficlet: Shatter_  
 _Summary: AU. One-shot. Set after Always Two There Are. All it takes is one sentence to break the fragile repairs Kanan's managed to make in the past few months. Hera helps him pick up the pieces._  
 _Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort_  
 _Rating: PG-13_  
 _Spoilers: 2x05: Always Two There Are_

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 _Note: Okay like I know Zeb wasn't intentionally trying to hurt Kanan when he asked why Kanan didn't tell them (because yeah dumb question he had no idea), but ya know, Kanan's reaction really got me. And I figured there was a little more that probably happened after that ending._

 _Note #2: I apologize if there's any OOCness. this is my first ever Rebels ficlet and I did do a lot of editing before I finally got the courage to post it._

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 **Trigger Warning:** **Discussion of PTSD, torture, electrocution, panic attack. I advise not reading if any of this bothers you.**

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 _"Why didn't you tell us there were more of them?"_

Kanan leaned heavily against the wall of his cabin, his breathing ragged. He'd come back there after meeting up with Ezra, Sabine, and Zeb upon their return from their mission to the abandoned medical base, and they had informed him of the two Inquisitors they'd battled. Hera had seen his fear, she'd given him her support, her comfort...but somehow this time, it wasn't enough.

Zeb's question echoed violently in his ears like a bad HoloNet transmission.

 _"Why didn't you tell us?"_

Kanan slammed his fist into the wall, eyes squeezed tightly shut. The rational part of his brain knew the Lasat hadn't meant to hurt him. However, he couldn't stop the tidal wave of emotions that had crashed through the fractures of what little stability he'd been able to rebuild over the past six months since he'd been rescued.

No matter how he acted in front of the crew of the _Ghost_ , he was not as well put together as he made them think he was.

 _"Why didn't you tell us?"_

"I didn't know." he whispered. "I didn't know, please, I'm sorry..."

 _"Why?"_

Just one word, on constant repeat beating through his brain as easily as the Inquisitor's mental probe had, breaking down one wall after another, until he screamed.

* * *

Up on the command deck, where Sabine, Zeb and Ezra had finished debriefing Commander Sato, Ezra suddenly felt like the air had been knocked out of his lungs. Tears formed in his eyes and he felt a rush of raw, cold fear overwhelm his senses.

 _Kanan._

He tried to reach out to his master through their bond, but it seemed that Kanan had thrown up shields against him.

 _Karabast!_

"Ezra?" Hera had joined them, and was frowning at him. "What is it?"

"Kanan." he said. As he said it, one of the lights over Sabine's head burst, showering the group with bright sparks of light. "Hera -" He didn't get a chance to finish his sentence, as the Twi'lek was already bolting back toward the _Ghost_.

Ezra started to go after her, but Sabine grabbed his arm which stopped him.

"What are you doing?" he asked angrily. "Let go!"

"Let Hera handle this."

"But -"

She shook her head. "This isn't the first time this has happened." she said solemnly. Ezra looked like he wanted to argue further, and she easily overrode him. "Ezra, she's got this."

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Hera should have known this was coming.

Normally she could always tell if it was going to be a bad day for Kanan...or if something from a mission had affected him much deeper than he let on. She still remembered Empire Day, two years after Gorse. It had been especially bad then - but she'd brought him out of it. Today had been different, and she'd seen it in his face the moment the Inquisitors had been brought up. Of course then he'd simply headed back for his cabin, claiming he needed to be alone for a while. It was his choice, though it left her a little unsettled.

Now she knew why.

Hera inhaled sharply and laid her hand over the panel next to the door of Kanan's cabin, fingers lightly pressing the button that activated the door. It slid open easily, and she stepped inside. Her heart broke at the sight before her: Kanan sat huddled against the wall next to his bunk, knees drawn tightly up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them. His hair had come loose from the tie he usually kept it tied back in, and he stared blankly at the opposite wall with puffy, red rimmed eyes.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and walked over to him.

"Kanan?"

He didn't respond. His breathing was so fast, she was afraid he might pass out. "Kanan, it's me." She slowly knelt down in front of him. "It's Hera." She reached over and, after hesitating for a moment, tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. She counted it as a small victory that he didn't reject or attack her.

"I didn't know." he said hoarsely, a fresh wave of tears trickling down his cheeks. "'M sorry."

 _The Inquisitors._ Of course, Hera knew Zeb hadn't meant to hurt Kanan by asking about the Inquisitors, but she still resolved to speak to the Lasat later.

Kanan blinked and looked at her with watery eyes. "'M sorry," he sobbed. " _'M sorry!_ "

"I know." she soothed, placing her hand gently on his knee. "It's okay. Stay with me, Love." She carefully took one of his hands in both of hers. "You're safe now. You're safe here with me."

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He clung to her hand like it was a lifeline, tethering him to reality. He felt the cool, metal floor panels underneath him, heard the sound of the _Ghost's_ engine as it hurtled through hyperspace.

 _Safe._

 _Right._

 _Safe._

 _Breathe._

 _Keep it together, Jarrus. She's right, you're safe._

Kanan gasped for air, trying to control his breathing. One of the lights overhead burst he cried out in fright, shrinking back against the bunk. He could feel the heat from the electric current the Inquisitor had funneled through his body burning his skin.

"Kanan?" She avoided his arms, remembering how he'd told her the way Tarkin and the Inquisitor had had him bound to their torture rack. "Kanan!"

His head hurt.

His lungs ached.

His heart pounded so loudly in his ears that it drowned everything out...even Hera's voice.

 _No!_

Kanan tried to remember where he was: His cabin on the _Ghost_ , not the _Sovereign_...and Hera was with him, not the Inquisitor. He inhaled deeply, and closed his eyes as he breathed out. He tried to center himself, to be present.

"That's it." The pounding in his ears gradually lessened, and he could hear her again. He could _breathe_ again. "You're doing great." she smiled. "I'm right here, Kanan. It's -We're going to get through this. Together. I promise."

Soft fingers combed gently through Kanan's sweat-soaked hair and he realized she had removed her gloves.

"I didn't -" Kanan's voice was hoarse when he finally spoke, but he persisted. "I didn't hurt you again, did I?"

"No." Hera replied. "Not this time."

"The kids? Zeb?"

She shook her head. "They're all fine."

Relief washed over him, the heat from the phantom electricity evaporating as his head became more clear with each passing second. He sensed Ezra still probing the shields he'd thrown up to protect his mind during the onset of the attack, but gently pushed his padawan back, promising they'd talk much later.

"Good." He groaned and tried to get up, but she pushed him back - a good thing, really; His legs (and the rest of his body if he were honest with himself) felt like dead weight. "Hera -"

"I'm going to get you some water. You're not moving from that spot until I say so," Hera told him as she stood up, her tone stern. "That's an order."

Kanan sighed. He knew better than to argue with her. He grinned and managed a weak salute.

"Yes, Captain."

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I hope you all liked it! Reviews are welcome. Constructive criticism accepted. No flames please.


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